Saturday, September 20, 2008

It's "potty" I mean "party" time at the Kurth!

What a great time at the Kurth last night! I managed to get out of work at a decent hour last night, and headed up to join my friends in Columbus. I must have been driving faster than the speed of it only t ook 20 minutes to get from my work to the outskirts of Columbus!!

Now, if you are dependent on a cell phone, you will understand my frustration! About a year ago, I got drunk at a Def Leppard concert, and lost the back of my phone over the railing. (I know, I know) Ever since then it has been down hill for that poor phone. My calls get dropped, my service stinks, and it keeps going in and out of roam ALL THE TIME! I know I should break down and get a new phone, and every Saturday I say I am gonna do it, but I don't. I am on the phone with our good friend Robbi, after missing her call the first time, and my cell phone drops the call. We then play a little "phone tag" back and forth, until finally reconnecting with each other. The whole time we are playing phone tag, I am getting closer and closer to Columbus. If you've ever taken the drive out to Columbus from my area, you will know that there are NO gas stations for miles and miles. Well I had to pee, and I mean PEE! Robbi suggested that I turn around, and head back to her house for a little R&R, and a bathroom break! I was over the moon!!

It didn't take me long to find Robbi's house, and as I pulled the "Queen Mobile" into the comes her Yellow Lab...Liberty!! Liberty, in all her sweetness, came bouncing over the grass to investigate the strange visitor! ( I am pretty strange) Liberty let me know right away, by her happy barking, that she was excited to see me! A couple doggy kisses later, I made my way over to Robbi! She then introduced me to "Mr. Houdini" himself, Chewey. I think he was just as excited to meet me, as I was to meet him! I was shown the way to the bathroom, and not a moment too late!! Then Robbi took me on a tour of her lovely home, complete with a great patio they had just built.
I then truly realized what Robbi had been talking about all this time, when it comes to her canine family! When we entered the kitchen, we found that Chewey had indeed pulled off a "Houdini"!!! He had opened the cabinet in the kitchen, and pulled out the garbage! What a sneaky little boy!!! We were only outside for a few minutes, and he had managed to swindle his way into that cabinet!
Here's Chewey...the resident "Houdini"

Here's little Liberty...the sweetest barker ever! (And she has a very happy tail)

Just a little side note to all you Robbi fans out there: (Sorry about this in advance Robbi hee hee)...... Robbi has a picture of her in a coconut bra, and grass skirt in her basement!!!! I wish I would have a taken a picture of it! Hmmmm......I see some blackmailing oppurtunities in the future! The funny thing is.....she STILL has that coconut bra!!! LMAO!!!!

After several changes of outfits on Robbi's part (hee hee), it was potty time! Now with the cable man out of town, "potty" time, kinda sounded like "party" time when the announcement was made to the dogs! But this doggy"potty" was no people"party"!! LOL!!

With a final fair well to the dogs....we were off to the Kurth! So we are in the "Queen Mobile", and the cableman FINALLY calls Robbi back after 8 hours. Robbi thought that he must have dropped his phone in the water on his fishing trip, and even though she tried to get her words out...she kept on saying them wrong.

What she meant to say is " I thought you dropped your phone in the water!"

What she kept on saying was "I thought you dropped your water in the phone!"

HOWEVER!!!! She caught herself each time ....and this is what she was able to get out...before correcting her mistake!

"I thought you dropped your wah"...."I mean your phone in the water"

NOW.....from my end I heard something I said..."Just tell him to drop his wad, and get it over with!!" OMG!! It was pretty funny!!

It didn't take long to get there from Robbi's house, and we arrived to find several of our blogger friends, plus Rod and Dj's dog Blake, out on the back porch of the Kurth! There was quite an array of food there, from pizza, Robbi's bread and spinach dip, and Shake's English Raspberry Trifle!!! That trifle was just to die for!! Now remember Shakes, I want to see some Chocolate Ameretto, Expresso Trifle next time!! ( Also...a little alcohol goes a long way LOL)

Shake's settles in to take a bite of Trifle!

I wanted to try some of Rod's new beer. It is called "Lazy Man's Porter", but as he says..."But it tastes like beer!" It was really yummy! It had a chocolaty smokey aftertaste, and went down smooth as silk! I have to say, it did pack quite a punch! It's not your most "typsical" it Rod?? LOL! After a glass and a half, I was definatley feeling the effects as I recounted the following story to my friends:

Remember my mencacing Squirrel that was throwing acorns at me? Well, I called this tree guy to have a quote on how much it would cost to have the tree taken down. (Not because of the pesky little squirrel that is stalking me, and hiding in my garage, and trying to sabotauge my every move, and almost killing me with a flying acorn...not to mention the now larger ammo of walnuts) The tree has been dropping things into the gutter, and clogs them up causing flooding in our basement. Well I said to the guy, "Can you please come and give me a quote on cutting down my acorn tree". He never said a word. When he came, he quoted me $1000 dollars, and never said a word.

I went to work yesterday, and told all the girls about my acorn tree, and I was met with hysterical laughter.

"What's so funny?", I alsked them.

"You know there is no such thing as an acorn tree, don't you?" They replied, still giggling through their words.

"Of course there is! Where else do you think they come from?" I reamed back at them.

"Ummm.....I don't about an OAK TREE!!"

I was mortified. Not only had I embarrased myself with the tree guy, who is probably still laughing at me as we speak, but it has now become a big joke at work as well. We have little message boards at work, and there is a nice little message on mine that reads, "What does an acorn tree look like?" To which I wrote back..."YOUR MAMA!!" It is pretty funny, I guess.

Well, it turns out that I am not the only one who didn't know that acorns do not come from acorn trees. But then again, quite a few people last night did know that most important fact. So I pose this question, after more hysterical laughter, ....:"Why don't they call them Oakorns then?" The world may never know!

Then, with the Lazy Mans Porter, taking a hold of me.....I decided to tell everyone why I thought said squirrel was a girl!

"It has boobs!!!!!"

"Aren't those its nuts?" Replies Shakes, looking at the photograph in my camera.

Well...needless to say....that started some even louder laughing. Poor Shakes! Sorry hun! (We know what you meant though)

The smokers, aka Robbi and myself, slipped off the deck, and out into the parking lot. ( You know what we were doing..again....I know, I know) We had some great conversations with Michelle, and Mary. Then I tried to call Judge, but alas no answer. I was hoping that she would be there last night, but things came up and she was unable to go.

Now last night, I think we all had some great laughs, and learned some VERY interesting facts about our friend Shakes. For her sake, I won't go into them LOL!!! Let me just leave you with this...."I wonder which bed I would take if I was locked in a furniture store?" I'll leave the rest up to your imaginations :)

Next up....have you ever tried to take pictures of yourself and another person? Well last night, I must have taken about 10 photos of me and Robbi. We had a couple good ones, and one VERY VERY bad one....that lighted the flame for another hysterical fit of laughter. Sadly, I accidentally erased it last night, and it is lost forever. Let me tell you was straight up Halloweenish!! My double chin exposed, bad lighting, and really big eyes on both of us!! We looked like two zombies in need of a good stiff brain!! After I realized that we were not going to get a good picture that close, Dj offered to take one for here we are in all our Kurth glory!!

Sorry teeth from me!!

I did manage to pull off this most spectacular, super sexy, and flattering picture of me! (Yeah right!) This is right when the Lazy Man's Porter started settling in!

As the crowd dwindled down, it was just me, Robbi, Dj, Rod, and Shakes left. Another group that was partying on the deck had also decided to leave for the night. What I am about to tell you had us all in stiches!! I thought I was going to need surgery!

This woman who was leaving, had clearly enjoyed the beverages at the Kurth that night! Robbi, Shakes, Dj, Rod, and I were sitting at a picnic table. As she passed us, she stumbled into poor Shakes, and we all knew what was about to happen. Blake was laying on the floor next to Rod. Robbi, and I had our backs to the woman. Dj, Shakes, and Rod were facing right towards her. Then the woman starts in.

"What kind of dog is that?" She muttered, clearly intoxicated.

"It's a Corgi"

"A Corgeee?"

"No, a Corgi!" Rod laughed.

"A corky?" she stuttered.

"A CORGI!" Rod said back.

At this point, both Shakes and Dj were trying to hide the hysterical laughs that were started to trickle over to me and Robbi. The sight of seeing someone laugh so hard does things to me. I quickly covered my mouth with my sleeve, and tried my best to cover up my laughter. Dj, Shakes, Robbi and myself were trying so hard not to let her see us laughing!!!

Poor Rod was left with the task of talking to the drunk woman, as it was clearly evident that none of us girls could do it. Then I hear Robbi talking under her breath....

"I'm gonna lose it....I'm gonna lose it!!!"

The woman continued on drunken ramblings....

"Yeah...I had a Lab..or something...I took him to....what's that place called?...Ummm...the institution know...."

I hear the laughing getting harder and was almost totally unbearable. The whole time I am facing Dj, and Shakes, and seeing their giggling. Plus Robbi, over to my left..."I'm gonna lose it...I'm gonna lose it!!!"

The woman continues talking to Rod, and trying to pet Blake....

"I had to get rid of my Lab....well the insurance company said I had to.....he was eating children!"

"I JUST LOST IT!!!!!!!" Robbi blurts out, and with that....I look over and see tears of laughter running down her face! Dj buried her head, Shakes was grinning from ear to ear, and I did my best to control myself. laughter led to a snort. You know what I am talking about. The sleeve was no longer working for me, and as I turned to face Robbi....tears came streaming down my face as well. I couldn't take it anymore as the woman continued. After I heard Rod make a comment about "missing children" to the woman, the laughter got even worse. I could no longer hear what the woman was saying due to the fits of laughter around me, and sides were about to split wide open!!

All I could think about was Rod, trying to maintain his composure in front of this woman, and how he could all see us giggling out of the corner of his eye!! OMG!!! Her friend finally came back to get the woman, and with that...we all sighed with relief. We were just thankful that the drunk woman seemed oblivious to our laughing.

Just when we thought it was all over, two more women came out onto the deck. Not as intoxicated, but still as funny. The laughter started all over again, when poor old Blake was compared to a "Hodag!" Rod defended his dogs honor, and the one of the women said something snippy that I couldn't hear (due to the brain blockage I was having from laughing so hard), and they left.

Robbi seems to have an undiscovered talent. She is able to take pictures of large groups of people, and include herself at the same time!!! WOW!! We were all very impressed!! This picture was taken PRE hysterical moments of laughter!

Shakes, Dj, me, Rod, and Robbi!

After we finally composed ourselves, we called it a night!

I might put up a few more pics next week. I only wish I had Robbi and my scary attempt at taking our own photos!! but just for good's one of Robbi!! :)


-Sir Jack said...

Wow Vix! I think it took me 15 minutes to read your blog. LMAO Sounds like you all had a flippin' great time! Glad you made it Robbi's just in time, love. Shake's trifle looks tasty!

Great pix & great stories your Majesty!! I don't think I've ever seen a squirrel with boobs before... TFF!!

Robbi said...

OMG!!!!!!Damn near spit my soda at the computer with Laughter again!!ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are so talented at telling a story!!!
That is how it went!!!

Laughter and all.....

Blackmail on my picture?????
Hmmmm!!! Heehee!!!!
I am surprised it is still in my basement!!LOL!!!!

Thank's for the Laugh of the afternoon!!!!!

Blaznfire911 said...

LMAO JACK!!! It took me 2 hours to write it!!! I knew it was going to be a long one!

I did make it just in time! I don't think that I would have made it all the way tot he Kurth without having to stop somewhere LOL

PS- I see that blasted squirrel with boobs everyday!!

Robbi- LMAO!!! What else can I say!!!!!!

shakenbsis said...

What a great re-telling. I'm LMAO all over again!! That really was tooo much fun, my tummy hurts a little today from laughing too. (Sir, you would have needed emergency surgery because all your ports would have opened up!)I was trying so hard not to look at you guys (you know how one thing leads to another...)

Was a GREAT time though!!! Thanks for taking the time to write it so we could relive it and laugh again!

shakenbsis said...

Good job on the pics Robbi! (as usual...) that jsut cracks me up!

Yeah, now that I've 'discovered' trifle I'll be experimenting a bit. Who knows when I'll have tme to get back to granola.....

dj said...

OMG I am laughing all over again! What a story! LMAO!!

Beer, Squirrels with boobs, acorn trees, awesome trifle, laughter, more beer, funny drunks, great friends!!

It was a fun night! It was really great to see you again Vix!!

Robbi please bring your coconuts next time! ;)

Cybermom said...

Hey Vix,
Awesome blog! I sure wish I could've been there, but you told it so well, I felt like I was!

Some day, we should roadtrip together to the Kurth. I promise not to kid you about the acorn tree :)

You all are such hilarious, wonderful people! Shakes, Robbi, DJ and Rod, I'd love to meet you all in person! Vix and I had some fun times in Milwaukee, and I feel like I've gotten to know you all here.

Glad you had such a great time! I hope they find those missing children...hee hee!!!

Osh said...

again, sorry I missed such a great time.

Robbi said...

Cableman just got home...
I had him read the story...
Well he was in laughter like the rest of us...
Cracked him up that you put him in here about not getting a hold of him for 8 hours and his wad!!LOL!!!!!

He is still chuckling!!!!!

And so am I. LOL!!!

M said...

Aww! And I had to leave early and miss the real hilarity!

I loved hanging out in the parking lot with all the cool girls-- just like the good parts of high school!

Somehow I'm not surprised Robbi has a vavoom photo hanging around. Cableman has one of those grins on his face, you know what.

I enjoyed hearing the Vix-on-a-stick State Fair food adventure!


Jenny said...

LMAO!!!!!!!!!! I wish I could have stayed longer!!!!! I get tired so early! :P

Poor Bakey getting compared to da hodag :(

Josh told me an interesting fact about oak (acorn) trees. Did you know they don't start growing acorns until they reach a certain age, like 30-50 years old?

Robbi's doggies are soo adorable :)

Loved your post!

Blaznfire911 said...

Jenny - I never knew that about acorn trees!! Oooppppsss I meant Oak trees!

Mary- It was fun to talk to you to!!! Great seeing you again....and I WILL snag that pic of Robbi's coconut bra LMAO!!

Peg- You really gotta come up to the kurth one of these days!! It would be a blast!

Shakes - I kept trying not to look at you two! Alas the chain reaction was set in place!!

Robbi- cableman was cracking up??? LMAO TFF!!!!!!!

Dj- It great seeing you too!! Man oh man I was laughing so hard I thought I was gonna keel over!!!!

Kathy said...

I am dying to read your blog, but I keep getting redirected to google! One other blog does the same thing to me (Come to the dark side, we have cookies!).

I can get to the comments, but I can't read the dang blog!!!!

Sounds like fun, whatever it was you were laughing about.

~Minxie~ said...

Sounds like you all had fun!!!! Thanks for the great laugh!

And I agree, Oak tress should be called Oakorns......! What is up with that anyway?

I want to know more about the children eating lab....LOL

Kathy said...

I love the squirrel boobs & oakhorns!

I have to view your blog in a different browser or google takes over!!!!

Blaznfire911 said...

Awww Kathy...I'm sorry that you are having problems with my blog :( I too have probs with other peoples blogs from time to time!

It really was a lot of fun on Friday!! Lots of laughs all around!!

Minxie- Let's start a petition...Oakorn trees!!!!

calypso said...

OMG-those were really funny stories Blazn'!!! Thanks for the blog.

When I was in 3rd grade, my best friend and I ate an acorn...and it tasted nutty!! The word acorn confused me as a kid...what the heck?..."it's not like corn, and it's not yellow! It's more like a nut!"

Because I thought acorns should have been called oak nuts, I always thought that oak trees should be called oak nut trees!! LMAO

Blaznfire911 said...

LMAO Calypso!!! I totally agree with you!!

I ate acorns at Christmas time when I was growin gup in England. A few years later, I had some honey roasted peanuts, and found out that I was allergic to all nuts!!!

Maybe that is why the illusive acorn/oakorn tree has plagued me so!!!